LOVE The
soul learns, develops and grows through experiences in consecutive
incarnations. A main lesson in this “reincarnation school”, which comes in the
first place and far before all others, is love. The undiscriminating and
unconditional love for our fellow brothers and sisters. We are all fellow humans. All humans are our
brothers and sisters from the same divine light world we originally came from.
There is not a single human being on this Earth who isn’t our brother or sister.
When we finally begin to understand this on our soul level and to live
it, one condition is reached for not having to reincarnate again. There is no
other way. No soul can get around it. What is love? People seem to have very different ideas
about it. If I am given what I want, if I am carried on hands and given a bed
of roses, if my wishes are read from my eyes, this would be love. Who believes
that will be disappointed. That isn’t love, but selfishness – or at most
pretended or possessive “love”, but not for real. Love is recognizing our brother or sister in the other
person, not only in the beautiful woman one meets, or in the impressive man,
but also in the suffering, the miserable, the tramp, the addict, the “fallen
woman”, etc., … and so on… – even in persons who hold themselves to be our
enemies. They are no less our brothers and sisters than any other! They are not
worth less, but are only on other levels in their development. True love is uncomfortable!
Who turns away from an unpleasant person, a disgusting sick one or a loathsome
anti-social one, who would need our help and love (even if the person himself
doesn’t realize that), then we have failed in love. This is difficult! Love is a hard touchstone for the
soul! But an unavoidable one… It is so easy to condemn, despise, banish… And who
wants to know about the new karmic lesson which he or she that way adds to the
future “study plan” in this school for the soul? Loving
a child In
my work with regression therapy I must repeatedly observe how few those are who
had a truly loving childhood. Parents often don’t know how to show love in such
away that it also arrives, so that the child can perceive it. One gives toys,
clothes, food, luxury things and education and thinks that it is done with it.
That is only one half of being a parent, the material half. It is only for the
body (and the rational “brain-self”). Many parents fail in giving love the way
a child really needs it: Through body contact, tenderness, take the child on
the lap, hug it, caress it, tell how happy one is to have it, commend it when
it did something right, comfort it when it is sad. This is all as much
nutrition for the child’s soul as the food is for the body. Lots of people were
physically well fed in the childhood but their souls starved… Why is it so? There are parents who don’t love their
children. They didn’t want to have it and let it feel this. That way they will
most probably preprogram to experience the same on themselves as children in a
later incarnation, until they finally understand… They want to make they child
guilty for its existence, unconsciously: “I have to blame someone” – an d they
blame the one who is the least guilty of all… If the parents were so silly as
to have unprotected sex, then only they can be guilty! In no possible way the
child! We can assume that most people love their children,
but much too few know how to show it. They are not able to show love in such a
way that the child can really feel it. Often they themselves had no love in
their childhood. They were not shown how to handle their own children when they
have grown up. Many parents unconsciously behave like this: “I had no love in
my childhood, so why should you have it?” – and they repeat the mistake of
their parents. Much too few have learned from the lesson of their childhood and
behave as follows: “I know how it is to have no love as a child. You will have
it better!” The latter have achieved to break out of a vicious circle that
turns from generation to generation and performed a major step towards soul
maturity! Many excuse themselves, saying that they have to work
so much. They seem to take refuge in work in order to avoid having to confront
themselves with a love they never experienced. There is, however, no mother who
is so much occupied that she cannot now and then take a minute for the child!
Anything else is an excuse. And if she comes home tired from work and only
wants to be left in peace, she doesn’t understand (or doesn’t want to
understand) how relaxing and refreshing it would have been for her to finally
devote herself to exchange of love with the child. Material gifts as a replacement for soul nurturing
love much too easily makes the child spoiled and more or less selfish, because
it doesn’t learn what real love is. It too easily becomes a person who expects
to have everything served on a silvery tray. Actually
there should be – to put it in an exaggerated manner – a parenthood test before
one is allowed to have a child, in which tests in love and dealing with
emotions would be the most important part. Only who passes the test would get a
“parent license” and could have a child. This idea, as utopistic as it is,
would certainly lead to a better world… More harmonic people, happier
relationships and less violence and criminality… But there is in fact a kind of
“parenthood test” through karma (even though it works very slowly)! Who
as a parent doesn’t understand (or want to understand) these most important
things will have to learn from own experience as a child in a later incarnation… Love
in a partnership relation The
ability to live love in a partnership relation is heavily dependent upon
childhood experiences, of which the essential aspects were outlined above. Who
couldn’t learn love from own experience as a child, is often less able to live
a harmonic partnership. A successful partnership requires what many of us
missed in the childhood. How can then a partnership be made to work? In the partnership it is just as important that love
is showed in such a way that the other person feels it. Here men more often
have difficulties than women. They are often educated to not show feelings,
since a man should be strong and successful. One may show rough emotions, but
not fine and tender ones, otherwise one isn’t a real man. That is weakness and
sentimentalism. Who thinks like that doesn’t realize, that the true weakness
is to not dare to show such feelings and believe that one should hide them
behind a mask of a pretended real man. The really strong man dares to show his
fine feelings and stands to them. This is real strength. The macho is an
emotional cripple who merely pretends to be a man. Many men behave like this: “You know that I love you,
then I don’t need to show it”. This hidden love doesn’t reach the partner. It
is just as good as no love, since the partner has nothing from it. Women
sometimes act like that, too, but less often. Another
negative influence from childhood is to devote oneself more to work than to the
family. Many were at least indirectly taught in their childhood that they must
first perform before they can have love. One was urged to perform and only
then, even if little, one was rewarded with love – or with material replacement
for love (see above). Or the child unconsciously began to think itself: “If I
am good enough I will be loved” and didn’t know that true love requires no
performance. It is rather the other way around: True and unconditional love
supports, like: “Since I am loved I will be good”. The former too easily leads
to a corresponding behavior in a partnership relation: “I must perform to
deserve the love of my wife”. A mistake with grave consequences, since one
fails live love in the family, which easily makes the partners live themselves
apart and can lead to divorce (to then maybe repeat the same in a new
relation…). That way one misses an important opportunity: To live
the love in one’s own family that one didn’t have as a child. In
a partnership relation the physical contact is also of much importance. Hugging
and tenderness on the long run brings more than gifts. Tenderness also involves
sexuality – the true and tender sexuality and not merely abreaction of needs of
the body. If this is left out, is it then still a true partnership relation or
rather a mere cohabitation? In a loving sexual union not only the bodies unite,
but also the souls. The result is an energy exchange on the soul level, which
brings enrichment for both. The
love to our fellow men and women Apart
from (usually) sexuality, what was said above is also valid in the general
relation to our brothers and sisters in this world, even up to physical
contact: To embrace and in a suitable manner also touch a friend (such as,
e.g., tap the shoulder). It can be observed that the love to our brothers and
sisters in this world declines with increasing distance. The larger the
distance – socially, culturally, religiously and sometimes also geographically
–, the less love there is for the other. This is so even in many Christian
communities. Who doesn’t belong to the same community is largely excluded from
one’s love. This is a contradiction to what Jesus taught us: To exclude no one!
“What you do unto even the least of my brothers and sisters you do unto me!” –
it makes no difference at all if the other is a “member of the club” or not… He
also said: “Love your enemies!” There is no single human being on this Earth
who to the true Christian is not his brother or sister (even if the other
person doesn’t want to see it the same way). Rules
of thumb for love In my therapeutic activity during decades the
following laws of nature for love emerged:
1. Love is worth only as much as it is shown (see above).
2.
Love survives and thrives only in exchange of giving and receiving. It
must flow in both directions. If it is on one side only, it withers like a
plant that gets no water. This is especially true in a partnership relation,
but is valid in principle for all human relations. Possessive love – that really isn’t one
– is an example of one-sided “love”. Why do people behave like that? Such a
person unconsciously fears loosing the partner but achieves the very thing he
or she fears. Love needs freedom to survive. Who wants to limit this freedom
will loose the love of the other person, and at the end often the person, too.
3.
You will not get more love than you give. Who
gives little, gets little. Who gives nothing will end up empty. How can a
rational person ever expect to get a love he or she doesn’t give? It will at most, if at all, be of a short duration
that one gets more love than one gives. When we at the end of our life set up
the balance sheet, we will se: “Summing it all up, I only got as much as I
gave”. It can, of course, happen that one gets less love than
one gives. This must not be a reason to be a love niggard! Otherwise one will
end up in the situation mentioned above. If love is not (sufficiently)
returned, the reason will be in the immaturity of the other person. The love we
gave was not given in vain, since the person will later understand what he or
she missed, and learn from it. In
a partnership relation (from experience, partnership problems are often related
to sexual problems, even though one may not see it or want it to be true) the
following empirical and basic but unconscious psychological principles are
valid for sexuality (in one case more, in the other less): The
woman: “If you don’t love me I cannot
have sex with you”. The
man: “If you don’t have sex with me I
cannot love you”. If one has here come into a vicious circle, how does
one get out of it? Obviously through first meeting each other half way, for a
starting point. The woman in principle needs general tenderness and at
first a non-sexual demonstration of love, in order to be prepared for
sexuality. The man (usually more unconsciously than consciously) understands
willingness to enjoy sexuality with him as the foremost proof of love.
Who has no feelings cannot
love.
Who shows no feelings cannot give love.
Who gives no love cannot be loved. Three
levels of love The
old Greek philosophers spoke of three levels of love: Eros – love in a partnership relation, which includes
sexuality but is a lot more than that. Filía – love to our fellow brothers and sisters in this
world, friendship. Agápe – love to God and God’s love to use, devotion. Some
add a fourth form of love: storgé, the love in the family, which, of
course, especially includes the love to the children discussed above. Many
persons on a spiritual path are of the opinion that the spiritual development
proceeds from one level to the other: In agápe one would no more need
the first level and the second only to a certain extent. Isn’t that escapism?
Isn’t it in reality so, that on the true spiritual path the radius of the
circle increases, so that it at the end includes all three levels?
Love and the Divine World
God is perfect love. The Divine World is a world of perfect love and harmony.
How could anyone be so presumptuous to believe that he could be qualified for
heaven if he doesn't live this love in an undiscriminating and unconditional
way? Who hates, who wants revenge, who discriminates, who is intolerant, who
depreciates people (who without any exception are his brothers and sisters!)
only because they think or believe differently and want to live in another way
than himself (or than he believes is the right way), disqualifies himself
and will doubtlessly have to take some new rounds on this Earth to learn more
and understand better...